In the March 2006 issue of Christianity Today Magazine Bishop Ed published an article called “Living with Tares.” He took the topic from today’s Gospel lesson, and the old English word “tares” used in the King James version of the Bible to refer to “weeds.” He infers in his article that sometimes we need to be aware that there is evil in the world and in the church, and that in the final analysis we will not weed it all out without causing more harm than good. Patience is in order—coupled with self-control. His quote is: “I will seek to manifest a godly forbearance….” This is one of the primary teachings of today’s parable. The farmer sows good seed, but an enemy sows weeds and the two sprout together. The servants want to pull up the weeds, but the farmer says, “We’ll sort it all out at the harvest.” The farmer has asked the workers to “manifest a godly forbearance" toward the weeds.

Forbearance has at its core one of the fruits of the Spirit: Self-control. It is easy to jump to the cause of justice and truth, to let our adrenalin make our moral choices for us, and apply a whole lot more heat than light—pulling up wheat with the weeds. It takes self-control to address the issues with godly wisdom and compassion. The parable does not teach passivity in the face of evil, but self-control in order to address it with grace.

There are some things that we need not control. We cannot control many situations. We can’t change the weather or our loved one’s deteriorating health. It is not self-control to attempt to do so. We cannot control other peoples' agendas. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion, still. You cannot control the relationship in which you are not a primary participant. An emotional triangle occurs when three people are in relationship forming three primary relationships in which any one person only participates in two. We are all enmeshed in dozens of triangles. Pressure to change the relationship in which you are not a direct participant will result in exactly the opposite response as you sought. And we need not control other people's actions except when harm is imminent.

But we can control ourselves, hence SELF-control. Over what, then do we have control? Jesus summarized the law by saying, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.” He must believe we can control these things. Control of our minds includes controlling thoughts and feelings. Control of our hearts and souls include controlling attitudes and impulses. Control of our strength includes moderating strength, compensating for weakness and controlling actions. That’s fine, but how do you do it?

Keep the goal in mind. According to the parable in today’s Gospel Lesson good and evil is mixed together in the world. It will all be sorted out at the end of the age. Somehow rooting the evil out now will cause more harm than good, and we are not the ones who will do it. We must, rather, learn to live with it without letting it overtake us. (Perhaps this is after all, part of the great plan, for we cannot learn to choose the good if the evil is not also a choice.) You see, if the parable of the wheat and the weeds applies to the world outside us, it is because it first applies to the world inside us. If we can learn to live with the weeds within without succumbing to them, then we will know how to live with the weeds around us without letting them overtake us.

1) Become aware of the triggers. We establish patterns of behavior in response to given situations. These paths are largely subconscious, it's easier that way, we don't have to waste conscious energy over and over again. These paths are habitually chosen when certain triggers are touched. Those triggers are situations, actions, words, even other thoughts or emotions that set in motion a habitual response pattern. You know you’ve found a trigger when you find yourself saying, “Every time you do that I get so angry!” or “Whenever he looks at me like that I just melt!” or even “Wouldn’t you expect anyone in my shoes to do that?” and “Of course I’d think that! What else would you expect?” These are sure evidence of triggers.

Self control means taking charge of the triggers. Now some of the triggers are noble: Justice, Peace, Truth. Some of the triggers are not so noble: Selfishness, Convenience, Self-defense. How do you manage them? Become aware of them. Whenever you get yourself into a pickle ask yourself, “What do I normally do here? How is that working for me?” Here lies buried a trigger. Learn what circumstances tend to trigger them. “Where else do I normally do that? How does it work there? What tends to get me on this path of response?” Choose your response consciously rather than unconsciously. Choose in a way that maintains your faith: Moderate nobility with compassion. Moderate selfishness with wisdom. Moderate godly ends with godly means. Maintain your integrity. Choose paths that do not violate your own godly values. Choose paths that accurately express what God is doing in you. Above all, give yourself the space to be creative. You’ve limited yourself to your pre-set patterns, when a whole world of options is out there. Think outside your emotional box. And at the same time, be realistic. Some options are simply not options.

Finally, plan for success: Make sure you have your support system in place. Stay connected to the community of faith and your personal circle of trusted friends. Plan rewards for small advances. Remember that success requires discipline. Maintain your personal disciplines of godliness: prayer, study and action. Maintain the structure of your life that tends to keep you on the path of godliness. Finally, be patient with yourself. We’re all a work in progress, none of us is finished yet—perhaps even when we’re dead! Just keep on keepin’ on.

You may be familiar with the Australian comic strip, Andy Capp. Andy’s life goal is to spend as little time as possible at work and as much time as possible at the pub. One day he is staggering home at dawn and the vicar finds him. The vicar says, “Andy, you should be ashamed of yourself. Have you no self-control?” To which he replies, “Of course I do, vicar, I just refuse to be a slave to it!” Sorry Andy, you got it wrong. “For the fruit of the Spirit is…self-control.”

Fr. Paul Moore+