On Wednesday nights we have been studying Rembrandt’s, The Return of the Prodigal Son. It is an amazing painting, full of powerful little details. The complexity of the picture reflects the complexity of this parable and the simplicity of the Father’s forgiving love. One of the things that impresses me is the lack of a distinct face on the younger son. In seeking an identity apart from the Father he has wasted his potential and thrown away his heritage—he is lost to himself. As the text says, he “comes to himself,” and remembers his Father. Paradoxically he cannot come to himself until he remembers his Father. If you have ever “come to yourself” in the midst of the slavery of not-self you love this parable, because it tells your story. You know the power of unconditional love to give you your face back! I pray that every one of us has had that experience.

But the more enigmatic character is the elder brother. In Rembrandt’s painting he stands to one side. His face reflects the light that emanates from his father’s, but it is downcast, angry, he is literally looking down his nose at his brother. His cloak, though like that of his father, fades into the background, and on his feet are the boots of a laboring man. At what does he labor? He labors to hide his shame behind his anger. He is truly a slave, not to his father, but to himself. His exaggerated claim to have ALWAYS obeyed the Father seems a thinly veiled excuse. Perhaps he had been secretly glad when the pesky younger brother shamed his father and left. Perhaps he wishes he had done the same and didn’t have the hutzpah. Perhaps he had even been to parties as wild as what the younger brother is accused of. Certainly he harbored bitterness at his brother’s bold foolishness and his father’s apparent acquiescence. All these are the source of his shame, but rather than admit it, he hides it with anger. The irony is that this disrespectful phrase comes on the heals of his claim to perfect obedience—and betrays him. The only real difference between the younger son and the elder is that the elder is too ashamed to come clean.

When anger hides our shame it betrays us, too. I don’t know about you, but I relate more honestly to the elder son than the younger one. Whether you sowed your wild oats and came back and now live a “straight” life, or never really did live the wild side and secretly wish you had, we often still find ourselves as lost as the younger son in the pig sty and like the elder son, we are ashamed to admit it. What is the difference between shame and guilt? Guilt means I stand condemned before the law. God holds me accountable. The younger son understood his guilt and came to the Father. Shame means I stand scorned by those important to me. My relationships risk destruction. The elder son felt his shame, covered it with anger, and isolated himself.

The antidote to guilt is to receive forgiveness. Christ died on the cross, taking upon Himself the guilt of our sins, and granting us forgiveness. We know that, we even feel forgiven. The vertical part of the cross is in place. But shame is often more powerful, because it involves our relationships with other people. It seems paradoxical, but the antidote for shame is to grant forgiveness. If the elder brother can forgive his younger brother he is free to enter into the festivities with an open and full heart, just as the Father asks. If shame has to do with broken relationships and I hide my side of the problems with anger, I must forgive those with whom I am angry for whatever perceived wrongdoing I impute to them first. Cleared, then, of that obscuring lie, I can face my own reality in the grace of another’s love, and find that it is in forgiving them that I have really forgiven myself. The horizontal part of the cross is restored.

Many at St. Christopher’s feel shame that we express as anger. Some of it has to do with the National Church leadership. Some feel shame at what the National Church leadership is doing and others feel shame that anyone would object. There are those who feel shame at how strongly some have responded, and others who feel shame at not having responded strongly enough. All feel the same shame for almost the opposite reasons. Some of our shame has to do with our own past. Though we want to be welcoming to all, some people have fallen through the cracks. It is easy to pander to the kind of people we like, and ignore those we don’t. We have let whatever reasons over the years keep us from God’s mandate to reach out in God’s love to those whose lives need to be transformed in our midst—all 4000 of them. Be it because we like things how they are and don’t really want anyone to change us, or because the prospect of changing is too confusing or overwhelming, it’s been easier to change in order to stay the same, or focus on other things instead. These things have stressed relationships between one another, the community and the Diocese. It is time to forgive.

It is time to forgive those in our communion who do not believe or act as we do. It is time to forgive those who would ask us to change in ways we don’t want to. But most importantly, it is time to forgive ourselves for not yet fully answering the call of God, and in that space opened up, to accept our brokenness in grace and humility, and to work toward what God has called us to.

Forgiveness always involves action. Had the elder son forgiven his younger brother he could not only have enjoyed the party, but have realized what the Father told him was true, and begun to live in a new relationship to his Father and his friends. A new vision of the family could be born, one not based on obedience, but grace. Our self-forgiveness clears away the clouding shame and anger and brings into focus God’s vision for us. As we do so two areas will become clear as vitally important “next step” ministries: 1) We need an effective and comprehensive Newcomer’s Ministry. Who among us will stand forth to lead the charge? Who will embody this part of our faithful living? 2) We need to build! We have a start, but who among us will help carry us into this part of God’s call to abundant life?